No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
