I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
