Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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