Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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