i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
