ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
