She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
