I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
