At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
