i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The ass gains better be worth it
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