she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
