In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
