what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
