you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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