The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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