I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
