those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
