I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
