Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
