I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
