I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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