My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize