Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
