Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
