even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
