god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
