i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
