I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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