it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
