you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
