Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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