PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
