You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
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I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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