i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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