Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
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