Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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