Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it fun? or sober?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
