I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
