Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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