You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
