Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
