You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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