my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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