I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
