i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
