He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
