garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
