So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Come see our sink grown plant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize