So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
