Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
