I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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