Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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