she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
