with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
