another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
