Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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