I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize