Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
