I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
