I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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