I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
