I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
