You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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