oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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