Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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