On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize