my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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