I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize