Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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