the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I will die if light touches me.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
