so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i love accidental penises.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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