Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
