so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
