how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
